I’m staring out of my office window. I see blue sky, white clouds, highways, houses and mountains
In between the daydreaming, I’m tapping away at a keyboard creating a user manual from mostly plagiarized content for a product that doesn’t exist yet. I’m the only one in the office. Maybe I should do something obscene. But then what if the cleaning lady comes in and catches me – I think that’s a pretty popular porn niche. But I’m not built for porn. I’m built for writing user manuals for products that don’t exist.
I’ve long lost my original user manual (if I even came with one). I’m sure it was written in terrible English, and my parents threw it out. So they didn’t quite know what to do with me. But that’s ok, it wasn’t their fault.
I’m older now then when they had me, and I suddenly realized just how young they were when I was born. I made my share of mistakes, but most of them have been amended by now. I used to feel as if a giant piano was tied above my head with weak twine that was slowly unraveling at every second. I don’t really feel this way anymore. I sort of feel like I’m driving comfortably in a large sedan on a dark highway with just the headlights on in front of me. Sometimes I feel like doing a U-Turn and going back to familiar places, but those places were dangerous and now I try and avoid them. Just keep driving slowly down this dark highway and soon more will be revealed. That’s what I was told, at least.
If there is a God, I don’t think he or she has any real issues with me. I seem to be living a rather comfortable and pain free life with abundance, while much of the world desperately fights for their lives on a daily basis. Is this random chance? Some of us are simply born into lives of utter desperation, while others-like me-are able to buy the latest Blackberry without too much effort or loss? Really? Just chance? That’s sort of fucked up.
But I suppose that’s what it is. I don’t really think losing your family in an earthquake is some sort of punishment for deeds previously done by said member or his/her agent(s). That’s just the sad odds of probability. Poof. Wish I could help.
I can see highway 280 from my office window. There are A LOT of people out there driving around. It’s difficult not to compare our little ‘to do’ to ant colonies. Ever watch those things on the Discovery channel? Ants are cool, and they make very large, complex colonies. I saw this one where they poured cement down an ant colony and then dug it up. It was HUGE and beautiful. Sad that they killed all those ants so I could see their colony, though. But to quote one of my favorite movies, “It is a Sad and Beautiful World.”
I hope I’m not regressing into some post adolescence existential dilemma. That would be a problem. I guess sometimes I’m afraid of turning into a character in someone’s novel – the old man who sits in his office writing user manuals for non-existent products.
